1st Year in Pictures!

Me VERY Pregnant... Waiting and waiting!

Me getting loaded onto the ambulance stretcher at Selkirk. That oxygen mask should have been on my face.

Hours old... not exactly as planned but very loved!

Healthy an no longer a bionic baby!

Almost 3 weeks old

Jump, jump, juming!

First food at around 5 months old.

Daddy is already teaching me how to curl!

Sliding down my slide at 1 year old

I will walk there myself!

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!

My Dearest Baby Boy,

Today is your 1st birthday! This first 12 months of your life has flown by. Wasn't it only yesterday I held your foot and prayed for you to be off those machines and breathing better? Wasn't it just this morning that I finger fed you milk and brought you home from the hospital? I am sure it was just this afternoon I fed you your first solid food, rice cereal, you loved it. You have grown so quickly! Every day I see you becoming more and more a little kid, and less and less a baby!

You are walking pretty much full-time now. At least once a week the daycare writes us a note telling us how you bumped some part of your body and got a bruise; most of the time you don't cry and stand right back up! You are excellent at shaking your head to say "NO", maybe we could learn how to say 'yes' soon too? "Momomomomom" and "HUG" come from you pretty regularly. You like to read books, play with toys and generally have a blast. You have your two front bottom teeth, and just this past week you "fangs" started to appear. You still don't have your top front teeth so you might have a silly smile for a little while yet!

For your birthday we bought you a slide and you have been enjoying more and more time outside exploring the world you live in. I am sure you woudl spend even more time out there if we didn't make you sleep! You are ticklish and so easy to make smile and laugh. I enjoy watching you sleep, smile, laugh and play, you bring me joy and laughter with every minute I spend with you!

Now that I am back to work I miss you like crazy all day. I miss our sleepy cuddles, giggle fits, and play time. Every evening we spend many hours together, playing, nursing, reading, tickling, and singing silly songs. You still love mommy and daddy the best, but you are loving spending time with other kids at daycare. In fact you love it so much that you tackle them, maybe we could stop that soon?!

You first year, although different then I expected, has been a most amazing year. Who knew that you would become this adorable, sweet, loving, and playful little boy?! I loved you before we officially met, but on this day one year ago my heart became yours, and my world changed. For every little thing we have given up you have given us so much more. I look forward to seeing who you grow and develop into over the next years. For now though I will enjoy every second I have with you, there seem to be too few!

Love you forever and ever my Dude!!
~Mommy

Excited and Sad... Torn!

So torn! Today is my last day of Maternity Leave. On one hand I am so sad to be leaving Dude, he is such a joy, and I have spent almost every minute with him over the last 11 months. On the other hand I am super excited for my new adventure. I am anxious to get back into a classroom and teach. So tonight I am torn and am pretty sure this is how I will feel, only more so, tomorrow morning!

Dude spent his first full day at daycare last Tuesday, Jay picked him up and didn't ask many questions but apparently it went alright. I got a ton of work done, work that would have taken me two years if he was home with me! On Friday I went to work and Dude stayed home with daddy, so nice to get stuff done and not really worry about him. This afternoon I went back to work while the boys did some grocery shopping, and I am feeling mostly prepared for tomorrow. Really though I am nervous to start a new job, and nervous about how Griffin will do without me!

Now if only Dude would wake up so we could play this evening!

Final Thoughts (Part 5)

I have enjoyed my time at home with Griffin so much. He has filled my days with patty cake, laughter, and lots of love. He has given me time to practice patience, taught me that not everything is easy, but it is worth fighting for, and helped me learn to become a mommy. It has been a joy to see him become a little person, complete with a personality. He makes me laugh all the time with his funny antics, he is impish and stubborn, easy to make laugh, and a cuddle bug when sleepy. He is independent, and loves to do things for himself (like eating) but wants his mom around to feel secure. He is fearless, adventurous and trusts his mom and dad to catch him when he falls. Although I don't want it to happen too quickly I look forward to seeing what Griffin becomes as he grows up; we have wishes and dreams for him, but most importantly we want him to grow up to be a kind, generous, happy, God-loving little man!

Firsts!

Being at home means I got to witness most of the "firsts" for my baby boy. We watched with great anticipation as Dude nursed all day (that was glorious), rolled over, sat without support, ate his first food, sat himself up, army crawled, got his first tooth, crawled for real, fed himself, pulled himself to stand, and took his first steps. Every first is so exciting! We look and him today and see a little boy and not a baby, he has grown and changed so much in this first year. We have celebrated each first, but I have come to realize that he could have slowed down just a bit! It was certainly easier when he would stay were we put him! I am so thankful that I have been witness to such great achievements, seriously it takes lots of trying to learn how to roll over! Realizing that he has already done so much makes me a little sad, time flies so quickly, it won't be long until he is learning to drive!

The Good and The Bad (Part 3)

Worst Part of Mommy-Hood in Year One
Not all parts of mommy-hood are roses and sunshine. Not matter who you are there will be tough days mixed in with the glorious ones. If I am being real we had our rough days, and I am sure we will have more. The days Dude hangs off me, not letting me go more than two inches away from his cute little hands, when I am an all day milking machine; those days are tough, for both of us. Sure I know he must be teething, or tired, or insecure about something and so I hold him tight, and allow him to nurse most of the day, but oh how I would love to have a moment to myself. I think God made babies so cute and parents love so strong to help us get through these days!One wonderful thing I learned is that usually these days don't happen back to back, so while one day might be rough the next probably won't be!

Best Part of Mommy-Hood in Year One
I was so amazed at how quickly my little boy knew who I was. Even as a tiny infant he knew his momma, and was often happiest in my arms. Now as he approaches his first birthday I have to admit it makes me secretly happy that when he is hurt/scared/hungry/sad he wants his mommy most of all! I love that he needs me (because secretly I need him to need me!). I was also glad he bonded with Jay so quickly. In fact, the good thing that came from all the breastfeeding challenges was that Jay got to feed Dude in the early days. Not only did that help me out, but they had some great daddy-son moments.

 Love really was the theme of the year, as I fell in love with Dude on his first day of life I realized life would never be the same, our house would be full of this new, crazy, unending love for this little boy. Maybe being a parent gives you more perspective on how God loves all of us, there is nothing like it!

Part 2: Expectations

I began this year with very few expectations, I didn't really know what to expect, so I embraced whatever came my way. Here are some realizations that came with this year:

1) How can you love someone you just me THIS much?! Sure I loved Griffin before he was born but the minute I really first saw him  he was hooked up to wires and machines and I fell so in love with him. The first picture of us is me in my bed touching his foot and crying, I ached because I couldn't hold him. He captured my heart that day, and every day since. I never thought I could love someone like I do him. Yes, I love many people in my life but there is something different about your love for your child.

2) What you think you will do as a parent isn't actually what you will do! I have learned that the ideal sometimes makes it hard to survive. My old ideals; i.e. "My baby will be able to self soothe early and I will just have to put him in his crib and he will fall asleep" HAHAHAHAHAHA! If I just put G in his crib it results in much screaming, alligator tears, and it would go for hours (we give up). I have learned that sleep wins, every time! I would much rather have a good night sleep and have a well rested baby, and so the three of us sleep together and G nurses when he needs food or comfort, and we are both happy people in the morning! He is now taking naps in the crib after I rock him to sleep, so there is a step in the right direction. Moral of the story pick what is important to you and fight for those things (for me breastfeeding was one) the rest will work itself out.

3) Judgements happen, I choose to laugh, and do my own thing! I have learned that there is a wide variety of "right" and other than abuse, not a whole lot of "wrong" when it comes to parenting. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, disposable diapering, etc. worked for us. However, breastfeeding isn't necessarily easy or great for others, some parents choose not to co-sleep, some people like space, and cloth diapering makes a lot of sense; to each his own. Every parent and every baby is different I think it is important to do what works for your family. I am sure you can find an "expert" who agrees with you :).

4) Life Changes! I love hearing people say that they will still live life in the same way when a baby arrives. I just don't know how to do that, and didn't really set out to try. Griffin changed EVERYTHING! I was more than okay with that. Going out in the evening is difficult, eating out almost impossible (although getting easier now), and sleeping when I want to not an option. Having a baby put our family in a different life stage and with it come adjustments. Instead we frequent mom and tot groups, hang out at home, have our living room covered in toys, and put our wants and needs after his. No regrets on the changes, I knew they were coming the moment I suspected we were pregnant! He is worth everything I had to give up, I wouldn't want it any other way!